Tonight was Den's pre-deployment meeting. There were a ton of people there! I thought a submarine would hold like maybe 12 people. There was at least 4 dozen guys there. Most with their wives and kids. I have to admit I was a bit intimidated. But I went because I thought they'd provide all the answers to my questions. A lot of the stuff they shared was good, useful information. But some of it was kind of useless. But I'm glad I went none the less. Man, I can't belive in a little under 3 weeks, he'll be leaving again. One thing they said was that they'd be leaving either the 6th or the 7th. (Which this coming from the chief, you'd think he'd know for sure what day it is. Being this close to deployment.) Then he flies out of the country (which where he is going is "classified" information...I'm too nosey, I want to know where he is, how long he's going to be there, what he's doing, and if he's ok. So this will be trying for me to not know anything) And will be returning somewhere around the 18th-20th of August. I'm dreading this.
I can honestly say that being a military wife, has opened my eyes to the worldly events happening. I thought I was thankful for a free country before, Now I'm quadruple, maybe even more thankful for the things that our country provides us. But this by far, is the hardest part of my life. It's so easy to be supportive to my husband. Because I love him so much. But at the same time while I'm trying to be strong, I'm dieing inside. I don't want to break down in front of him. Because I know that as much as I hate him being gone, he hates it worse. I want to be the strong wife. Is there such a thing as a strong wife? I want him to be able to leave and not worry about me, or anything back home. I feel like I don't have any right feeling the way I do, because there are people who are away from their families a lot longer than 4 months. But, when I log on to FB, and I see my friends complaining because their husbands/boyfriends are gone for a few nights or a week, it really hurts my feelings because, well they're gone a week, they're guarenteed to see them in a week or a few days... I can't even talk to my husband for a couple months. I can e-mail him all I want, but being under water they have no way of getting them until the sub surfaces after a month or two. And then MAYBE he'll get the chance to respond.
It's very important to me that no one thinks I'm trying to get people to feel bad, throw a pitty party. Because that is so not the case. This life style is so hard, and I wouldn't wish it upon anyone. But, in the midst of it all, I often find myself questioning if I'm cut out for this. But a thought just came to me. If this is what we have to do, then there is really no other person I'd rather do this for. Den and I, we are the lucky ones. Because even though I've only been with him 2 1/2 months out of this whole year, we get eternity. Which in the skeem of things makes this all worth while. But for now, I'll keep my happy face for him. and while he's gone I pray that the time goes by quick. And I have to thank my family and friends for their support. I loove everyone! <3
I know you hate it when people say you're "amazing" and "so strong," so I'll just say that I really admire you! It sure is a lot to go through and deal with being a military family. I don't think I even understand just how much and how hard it is. But I thankyou for your sacrifce, and all the other military families sacrifices, because if you guys weren't willing to do it we wouldn't be able to live in the blessed country.
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